confessions of a sicko

blah. that's how i feel today. i've been home sick in bed for two days with a hacking cough and body ache. i could have been re-reading goblet of fire (i never made it to the theatre to see it, so i figure i'll read it again before i buy the movie). instead, i've been gorging myself on junk tv. i've watched regis and kelly, martha stuart (donny osmond was on today! yeah. i'm a dork) i've watched several episodes of i love lucy, mash and kojak. i even watched a little mo po, and a few seconds of jerry springer which made me feel dirty. i watched at least 4 episodes of blind date (ack!) and, lest i forget, all my children. i haven't watched that since college! can't believe susan lucci is still on, and still looks the same! but the guy who plays duke lavery sure didn't age well. i just sent my family off to see a movie so i can sit here and stew in my misery. i'm planning to be better tomorrow so i can attend febrewary fest 2006 at jonathan and jan's. as my czech hubby always says, beer has vitamins! and fittingly, the title of this year's brewfest is "Deep in the Heart of Czechxas" featuring Ludweiser pilsner (named for me hubby, of course!).

passion

"Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer."
-"Daphne Kaplan, The Courage to Withstand"; Mark Danielewski, House of Leaves

it's a boy!

a good friend just gave birth to a baby boy last night. his name is luca! she had a home birth with two midwives and had him in water. they are both doing great! they said his head was a bit misshapen, but that is normal.

my kid looked like a boxer when she came out, her face was all swollen, red and lumpy and her head was a bit flat. but that all corrects itself. babys are EVERYwhere.

i had a frightening thing going on in my head this morning. when i woke up and looked around my room, i tried to envision where the kid's old crib would fit best. then i started thinking about asking our neighbors if they are finished with it. they borrowed it when they had a baby 3 years ago. i can't believe all of this was going through my brain! what's wrong with me??? i think i have brain damage or something. one of my work buddies has the CUTEST 6 month old boy, and he was up here the other day. i was squeezing on him. and what was worse, my husband was here too and he was getting all gushy.

i guess i'm at the point that if we are going to have another baby, it has to happen now! i turn 40 in a year! eek! but i am TERRIFIED. working a full-time job, having to pay for daycare again, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, rashes, BREAST PUMP!!!! on the other hand, tiny toes, soft cheeks, unconditional love, new discoveries, a baby brother or sister for the kid.

well, the jury is still out.

what an idiot

britney spears never ceases to amaze me. who endangered the child more. a couple of photographers, or the mother driving with the baby on her lap. couldn't her body guard who was in the car have put the kid in the car seat as she was driving off? i don't know why i even ask. the answer is painfully obvious.

frustration. disappointment. dissatisfaction. disillusionment. anticlimax. failure. letdown. defeat.

i'm not quite sure i'm ready to talk about the "marathon". it was not a good experience. if i hadn't had someone to go through it with, i would have cried. let it suffice to say that we arrived to the starting line almost an hour after official start time due to a series of unfortunate events*, and were told that we could run, but it would not be official since the start mat had been deactivated so our timing chips would not record our official start and finish times. we almost turned around to go home, but decided to run the half course. so we started the run, reluctantly, completely alone. it was pretty sad. our enthusiasm had completely fizzled, and we were in such a funk that a mile felt like 3. but thanks to my good buddy ironmaz, i readjusted my thinking, and this turned into just another sunday training run. it was decided i would be doing the la marathon in march. so my training has not ended, and my goal has not yet been reached. actually, i'm more excited about running la. there will be a lot more people running, a lot more aid stations, and a lot more people cheering me on. that's all the stuff that helps me keep going. in huntington beach there were no people cheering us on, few aid stations, and nobody running with us until we rejoined with the marathoners toward the end. of course my family and a couple of friends were there at the end, and my baby's smile absolutely made my day.

so, as i started this blog saying i was not ready to talk about it, i guess i really did want to after all. now that i am putting this out in the universe, i think i can move past the disappointment and on to the la marathon and beyond. its not like my life depends on this. this is just a personal goal. but i guess personal goals are important.

r u a simple friend or a real friend?

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps herself.

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in her address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after she has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

gettin' cold feet

ok. so i head out tomorrow for huntington beach for the marathon sunday morning. actually, i'm quite looking forward to it. i'm predicting at least 6 hours on my feet. no, i'm not one of those 4 hour people. i am nervous, but sometimes nerves can be good.

i just figured out how to add links to my sidebar! i know this probably isn't a big deal to most bloggers, but it is for me. html gives me hives. so, i've only added two links so far, but since nobody reads this, i guess it doesn't really matter anyway. poor me. nobody cares.

wait a minute! somebody out there does. leanne, i know you look at my blog from time to time. i think. and coach. you check, because you said i hadn't posted in a while.

and YOU. i know who you are! i know you are there. i know you check in every once in a while when you are really bored.

so for pete's sake. SOMEBODY LEAVE ME A COMMENT!!!!!

i feel like i'm sending my blogs out into the universe, and there is no life out there. i mean, i know i am not that interesting most of the time. but i try to be mildly humorous some of the time. well, at least my kid thinks i'm funny. the husband thinks i'm "unique". that should be enough. no? so why do i need the approval of some total strangers who might run accross my blog, or even from friends who i know i can just pick up the phone and talk to? not sure. guess i'm just trying to avoid doing some actual work here.

marathon checklist

• shoes
• two pair of socks
• shorts
• dry weave shirt
• throw away jacket
• sunscreen
• watch
• flip flops for after
• hat
• 6 gels
• camel back (aka. hydromacation system)
• power ade
• recovery drink (borrow from ironmaz)
• water
• camera (recharged)
• ipod w/ arm strap
• breakfast (yogurt, eggs, coffee)
• energy bars
• vaseline
• blister goo
• pain cream
• a hammer to put myself out of my misery when i'm done

26 miles. how difficult could it be?????

today is Thursday. only 3 days till marathon day. yikes. the furthest i've run is 20 miles. what's 6 more miles, right? RIGHT????? hopefully i'll have some pics to post when its all over. i know lots of people run marathons, but i never even thought i would be able to, and never wanted to. in fact, it was one of the things i said i would never do. i think i said this before, but every time i say i will never, i do. so, here goes. i will NEVER be a billionaire. i will NEVER do a triathalon. i will NEVER be in a play again. i will NEVER learn to sing. i will NEVER paint again. i will NEVER learn to do a triple axle. i will NEVER roller skate down venice beach in the buff.