frustration. disappointment. dissatisfaction. disillusionment. anticlimax. failure. letdown. defeat.

i'm not quite sure i'm ready to talk about the "marathon". it was not a good experience. if i hadn't had someone to go through it with, i would have cried. let it suffice to say that we arrived to the starting line almost an hour after official start time due to a series of unfortunate events*, and were told that we could run, but it would not be official since the start mat had been deactivated so our timing chips would not record our official start and finish times. we almost turned around to go home, but decided to run the half course. so we started the run, reluctantly, completely alone. it was pretty sad. our enthusiasm had completely fizzled, and we were in such a funk that a mile felt like 3. but thanks to my good buddy ironmaz, i readjusted my thinking, and this turned into just another sunday training run. it was decided i would be doing the la marathon in march. so my training has not ended, and my goal has not yet been reached. actually, i'm more excited about running la. there will be a lot more people running, a lot more aid stations, and a lot more people cheering me on. that's all the stuff that helps me keep going. in huntington beach there were no people cheering us on, few aid stations, and nobody running with us until we rejoined with the marathoners toward the end. of course my family and a couple of friends were there at the end, and my baby's smile absolutely made my day.

so, as i started this blog saying i was not ready to talk about it, i guess i really did want to after all. now that i am putting this out in the universe, i think i can move past the disappointment and on to the la marathon and beyond. its not like my life depends on this. this is just a personal goal. but i guess personal goals are important.